Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
