I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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