I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Operation Purity has been aborted
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
