i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
