our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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