stop calling my apartment porn island.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
