Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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