He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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