so explain again why im purple
no
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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