Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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