why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
