He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
