don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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