Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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