Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
