Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
