hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
