you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
