Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
