I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
