I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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