I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
