worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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