Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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