so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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