Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can you bring me the toilet please
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
