turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
