Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
