She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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