I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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