and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
