i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
