Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
