Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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