make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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