I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
