What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
