I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
