I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
