just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
