i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
