oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you had me at cake vodka
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
