Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
