Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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