actually, I'm a sock model
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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