I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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