i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
