Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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