At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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