My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
