the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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