They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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