so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
