Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
