I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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