Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
