I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
