i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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