Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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