its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
