My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
