so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
