if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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