since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
