is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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