Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
