That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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